Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I Promise To Help Weaken Us As A Nation By...

  • making my first phone call as President to Mahmoud Abbas the leader of the Fatah party in the Palestinian territory
  • by allowing an interview. The media in the U.S. have fawned all over me and never asked me the tough questions they should've been asking of a person who is going to be leading one of the most powerful countries in the world so I decided to give Al Arabia television by granting them my first one-on-one interview as President.
  • by halting all the military trials of detainees formerly at Guantanamo Bay even though there is proof of some of the detainees ties to 9/11.
  • by closing all our CIA interrogation centers abroad. Why would we need intelligence overseas?
  • letting bygones be bygones and withdrawing all charges regarding the bombing of the USS Cole and The World Trade Center. I don't want to look too tough on terrorism because there is no war on terror. I got rid of that phrase as soon as I got in office.
  • doing what is important to our national interest by using up to $20.3 million dollars of our Emergency Refugee and Migration Assistance Fund for Palestinian migration needs. Oh, do some of them have ties and loyalties to Hamas? Oopsy.


Chuck said...

I promise to trample all over your civil liberties by having the DHS target you if you do not fall in line.

dmarks said...

"I promise to have the national security department target and harass the heroes who defend us, while simultaneously praising and apologizing to international dictators, terrorists, and genocidal warlords"

Left Coast Rebel said...

You are certainly being facetious? No sane president would do all of these things in such a short time. Uhoh it is true.